Toilet Trauma

Getting ready to squat....

So many new experiences in China have left me exhausted. One of my most recent adventures takes me to one of the most least desirable places most people would like to adventure to....a public restroom. As if going into a restroom in a public isn't bad enough then I have to experience this in a restroom! When I first went to a public restroom in China I didn't think much of it.....how many times have I been disgusted at the thought of having to go to a public restroom, many times but you make the best of it because you have to go when you have to go. How difficult can it be to go to the restroom? It's a natural thing to do, go the restroom. Well my first public restroom experience was at one of the many KFC restaurants. BTW...KFC in China is not cheap and always crowded, it's considered one of the most popular hangouts for women with children, as there is a play center at every KFC. Menu items include your typical food items, with more options for chicken on the bone and rice dishes. I don't want to disgust you with talk of food and a public restroom...so more on that later, but first, let me tell you about my first experience in a public restroom. Once in the bathroom I proceeded to go to an open stall, once inside I couldn't find a toilet, only a ceramic white hole in the floor. Where is the freakin' toilet I'm thinking. Then I realized, oops, I must have walked into the men's restroom, so I leave and look at the door of the restroom to make sure I am in the women's restroom. To my surprise I was in the women's restroom....but where is the toilet, dang I have to use the toilet. I've confirmed I'm in the women's restroom and I can't find the toilet, what do I do? I think now that this must be a special stall for...um, I don't know what but this isn't what I'm expecting. So, I walk into the other stall and there it is again, the same white ceramic hole in the floor. Ding, Ding...Patricia, this is the toilet I say to myself.

I don't understand this toilet, I don't have this type of toilet at home, at home I have a standard looking toilet with a toilet seat and a button to flush, so why is the toilet in public so different. No time to ponder this issue, this is one of those moments when I have to make this work cause there is no room for error when you are trying to properly discharge. Most of the time in America you are lucky enough to get a clean restroom, with nice fresh scents filling the air, there is a closed container for nasty, smelly female items, and an abundance of toilet seat covers to use on the toilet seat. In China, throw any of those possibilities out the window cause you will NEVER find these things in a public restroom in China!! So I attempt to do the do, assume the position over the ceramic white hole in the floor and let human nature do her thang, yes, thang., cause this thang I'm not use to, so it's called thang. Anyway, the flow is happening but I'm not close enough to the white ceramic hole in the floor and now I'm starting to get wet from the splash....so I squat closer to the white ceramic hole and things are already better, and not so much splash. I figured it out...while in China, you squat in a public restroom and no half squatting ladies, in order for this to work correctly, you have to do this properly, bend those knees till the back of your thighs touch the back of your calfs and things are good while in a public restroom in China. The good thing is, you can now flush with your foot on the floor cause the lever to flush is on the floor!! Oh and btw.....the women here have fabulous thighs from all the squatting. I have yet to see cellulite here....really!!!

p.s. Before you enter the stall with the white ceramic hole in the floor, remember to correctly estimate the amount of toilet paper you will need once in the stall because there isn't a roll of toilet paper in the stall, you will find one roll of toilet paper per restroom when you enter the restroom....(If you are lucky) Most restrooms I've been in don't even have toilet paper, you bring your own.

p.s.s Don't flush that used toilet paper in the white ceramic hole in the floor, you see that no-lid waste basket next to the white ceramic hole in the floor, that's where you throw your used toilet paper away.


Note to self: Remember to use the toilet before you leave the house.